I write this on Christmas Eve, and for one small moment, briefly, I can feel myself standing still. The moon is full, the night is late, a midnight church service approaches. The day has been clearly this particular day, with its last-minute gifts, and awareness of expectation, and hope.

It was not always thus. Indeed, in the weeks just before the Christmas week, I was steeped in one of those time warps that I suspect are the stuff of many jobs, many lives. At the height of Advent, we were busy at Marble making new, in-depth plans for Lent, working on some special education to take place during this sacred time. Yes, Lent comes early this year, but still… without a potent practice of attention, and of staying in the present moment, this necessary leaping ahead to accommodate people’s calendars and newsletter deadlines can result in a blur, and the nagging feeling you are going through the motions, without really experiencing the day, the week, the season, the life you are in.

I know this looking ahead is common—think of all the seasonal catalog businesses, doing summer things deep in winter, and vice versa. But I suspect in small, sneaky ways, this is also the story of our lives: always anticipating, worrying, getting a “jump” on things. Never being able to rest in, and take in, the current invitation of the present moment.  And the procrastinators among us are not exempt or merely oblivious; as a card-carrying one, I can attest to the fact that my dropped balls only add to future anxiety.

This particular Advent juxtaposition raises its own questions: Deep in the time of the church calendar all about hope, anticipation, the coming of the Christ, the good news… we at Marble were steeped in Lent: the time of loss, no hope, darkness. Hmmm… Perhaps not such an unnatural blend after all, as I think of all I know who are balancing these conflicting emotions, day in, day out. The outer church calendar speaks to our inner psychic realities, and not always in a tidy way. Still, to avoid being overwhelmed, I try to remember to stay current, to not leap ahead; to plan ahead, yes, but to live there—no. Easier said than done.

So a gentle reminder to us all: There are twelve days of Christmas—December 25th till Epiphany. It ain’t over till it’s over. And sometimes, yes, sometimes, it’s all year round.