This blog is hard to write. It is my last blog.

As you probably know, I am retiring from Marble this Sunday, May 31. Some time ago, Dr. Caliandro asked me if I could help out on a part-time basis. Be here two days a week and two Sundays a month. This would be about 4 to 6 months until a permanent person was hired. That was six years ago. Six years in which I have been richly blessed by a staff and congregation of wonderful people.

During that time I worked with the Men's Ministry, Connection, Pastoral Care, Family Worship, the 60+ Fellowship on Wednesdays, Divorce and Grief Recovery, Confirmation, and was honored to be a part of the search process that found Dr. Brown. I have been blessed.

What are you worth?

I suppose a first response would be "Not as much as I was a year ago." This, of course, is monetary "worth". Or a response I heard recently, "I not only lost my job, the industry has gone beyond me. Nobody needs what I have been trained to do anymore." We can measure worth in terms of knowledge or skills. Or another response: "I have made such poor choices in my life that I am worthless. You do not know the guilt and shame I feel." We can feel a sense of worthlessness in response to behavior, regrets, and guilt.

Zaccheaus, one of the wealthiest men in town, did not feel safe or worthy to be in the crowd. He hid in a tree to see Jesus. Jesus saw value in him and went to be with him at his home. A woman of the streets came to Jesus. They tried to push her away and Jesus extended himself to her. She was forgiven. Jesus said "her sins which are many are forgiven--for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little." She felt worthless. She was open, she was honest. Her God given value to love was able to surface.

One day Jesus disciples asked, "Lord, teach us how to pray." I hear many people today tell me they do not know how to pray. They don't know what to say. Unfortunately, often we make praying difficult. This is not Jesus intent.

Jesus tells us to pray privately. Pray in secret, one on one. A great prayer is not profound thoughts, beautiful poetry, or lengthy. It is soul searchingly honest.

In teaching us how to pray, Jesus gives us to some basic assumptions about God.

1. God is like a good parent. He knows you well. He knows what you need better than you do. He can read your concerns and is there ahead of you. We don't have to tell God all about the situation and how to handle it.  Jesus said, "no empty phrases." Just open your heart and be honest.

A recent Sunday Men's Brunch we discussed forgiveness. In fact we started our discussion and will continue it with Forgiveness, Part 2 for our May 17 brunch. To look at forgiveness, first it is important to see what it is not. It is not condoning, overlooking, brushing aside, weakness, or unconditional love. At the same time Jesus instructs us to forgive 70 times 7, which is a symbolic way of saying that we are to live the forgiveness mood. This is hard work.

To really forgive within the context of a relationship requires:

1. A deep sense of empathy. To forgive someone requires that we understand and feel what the other person was experiencing when the hurt was committed. The hurt is often experienced as an attack or aggressive behavior toward us, when it fact it is often defensive or protective behavior on the part of the other person... lashing out toward me when he is feeling threatened. When I can understand the feeling of fear and threat, I can forgive.

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want..." You know how it goes and can probably recite it from memory. We find a great deal of comfort from these words.

Let me pick up some key phrases from a slightly different translation of the Bible.

The Lord is my shepherd... he feeds me, guides me, and shields me... I shall not lack.
He provides fresh, tender, green pastures for me to lie down and rest.
He leads be beside still and restful waters.
He refreshes my life.
He leads me in the right way.
When I walk through the deep, sunless valley of the shadow of death,
I will not dread.

My favorite Easter story is the two men on the road to Emmaus (Luke 24:13 - 32). This is a story about two men who followed Christ and were depressed by the events of his death. A third man joined them, Jesus, but they did not recognize him.

They in fact did not recognize him throughout the conversation they had together. They realized who he was when he broke the bread and gave the cup to them at dinner. They felt his living presence.

The other resurrection stories are dramatic; angels, stone rolled back, empty tomb. I have never experienced any of these and find it hard to relate to.

There are times, however, when I am discouraged and depressed and wonder where God is.

When we read the events leading up to Jesus arrest it is clear that "the chief priests and the scribes... were seeking a way to destroy him, for they feared him." We tend to compartmentalize our thinking; seeking "good guys" and "bad guys." Clearly the religious leaders were the bad guys, wanting to eliminate Jesus.

They represented tradition, hundreds of years of tradition. Jesus was challenging some of that tradition. He wanted to clean house even as he drove the money changers out of the Temple.

None of us like to have tradition challenged. Tradition tells us who we are, where we fit, and how to behave. From time to time tradition has to be challenged: women's rights, civil rights, children's rights and so on. And there are always those who want to eliminate the challenger. They are not bad, they are scared. They lose their roadmap and don't know how to be.

This happens to all of us. And as we go through these painful changes, we need to hold onto "Father, forgive them," and "Lo, I am with you always" even as we step into the future.

This past weekend was the Men's Retreat. There was fun, laughs, a very special sense of brotherhood, and some moments of deep sharing. We realized that some of us are facing some tough issues in our lives... financial, health, future, and more.

We found great support is sharing, playing and praying together. We all need each other, not just on retreats, but in life. Someone said, "when we share, anxiety decreases and love increases."

We need God who is experienced in the "when two or three are gathered together," or in the "be still and know," in repeating of the Lord's Prayer or the 23rd Psalm, or in gathering at the Lord's Table. We had communion on the retreat. For the wine, I used a very special silver chalice.

Love is patient.
God is patient.
I am impatient.

There is something wrong with this picture.

I cannot find in the Beatitudes (Matthew 5) "Blessed are those who hurry." Nor can I find anywhere in Jesus teachings, "hurry up." In fact what I do find is "be still."

Impatience hurts. Our impatience can damage a relationship, wound a child, and blocks our own growth. Often we hurt most those closest to us,. Stop and think about who you might have hurt in your haste.

"Put out into the deep and let down your nets."

Peter, the fisherman knew what he was doing. He had been fishing all night with no luck. What did Jesus know about fishing? He probably never touched a fishing line or net. And yet, because Peter respected him he would give it a try. And you know the rest of the story... the net was full of fish.

Sometimes we just don't go deep enough. I am guilty of this. Living the surface of life. Sometimes I need to turn everything off... TV, phone, ipod, computer and be quiet. Amazing things happen when we stop and allow the nets to go deep.

My grandson Brian and I were fishing last summer. I knew where the fish were. I knew the lure that would work. When we got in the canoe he announced where we were going and what he was using for bait. I thought to myself, "It will never work." But I will amuse him.

The first cast brought in the the largest small mouth bass that I had ever seen in that pond, and then another and another.