John 15:10-12

The magazine Psychology Today, in a survey of several hundred parents, asked “What do you want your children to be when they grow up?” It produced some rather surprising results. The question seemed rather straightforward, having to do with careers. “I hope my child will become a butcher, a baker, a candlestick maker, an actress, a surgeon, president …”—you fill in the blank. However, the parents were asked one question but answered another. The overwhelming majority of moms and dads, when asked “What do you want your children to be when they grow up?” simply answered, “I want my child to be happy.”

A friend of mine who directs Counseling Services for a large United Methodist church told me that the main reason first-time clients come to him no longer has to do with depression, phobias, finances, or problems with marriage or parenting. “More than anything else nowadays,” he said, “I hear people tell me that they have everything on earth except happiness, and happiness is the one thing they actually want.”

Well, if that is what we want for our children or ourselves, the good news is that Christ also wants it for us. He said so on numerous occasions. Twice in the gospel of John He makes that point abundantly clear. At one point He says, “I have come that you might have life, and have it in abundance.” In the passage we read a few moments ago, He said the same thing in a slightly different way:  “I have told you these things that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete.” Jesus wants us to be happy.

Now, be sure you understand what that word means theologically. Otherwise, we might trivialize the statement that Jesus wants us to be happy. Biblically, happiness does not mean a cavalier, party-hearty Epicureanism. That is shallow, which is the antithesis of Christ. Biblically, the word He uses so often is soteria, and it means wholeness. He came and shared His Truth that we might be whole.

Now, having said that Jesus desires our lives to be happy (whole), it needs also be said that the secret to finding that life is simple … but not easy. Achieving a truly happy life is not easy because it requires us to change some things with which we have grown comfortable.

A friend told me of a message on the answering machine of a woman he knows. It says:  “Sorry I am not here to answer your call. At the sound of the tone, please leave your name, number, and a brief message. I am changing some things in my life. If I do not return your call, then you are one of the things I’m changing!”

If only it were that easy. Christ writes the prescriptions for happiness for us, and the advice is simple. But following the advice is not easy because it requires some fundamental changes. Even so, let me share with you His three prescriptions for happiness, and then you decide whether or not to get those prescriptions filled.

First of all, FIND SOMEONE TO FORGIVE.

When Simon Peter asked Jesus if he should forgive the same person as many as seven times, Christ answered: “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.” Leave your calculator in your pocket or your purse. It’s not a math thing. It’s a philosophical thing. Jesus was simply saying, “As long as forgiveness is needed, forgiveness is required.”

Now, that sounds good in a sermon. But the truth is, it’s difficult because Jesus wasn’t just talking about forgiving people who say “excuse me” when they step on your toe climbing over you at the movies. He was talking about forgiving people who have intentionally and seriously harmed you or someone you love. And He modeled that command on the Cross when He looked down on the very ones who had driven the spikes through His flesh and prayed, “Father, forgive them …”

As much as anything else, Jesus was a wonderful student of human nature. He understood how we tick and what makes us quit ticking properly. And so He knew that forgiveness is usually a gift we give to ourselves. Ordinarily, if we bear a grudge, the other person either (a) doesn’t know or (b) doesn’t care. But the grudge we bear can become spiritually malignant within us.

A former church member told me years ago of having surgery at a hospital in North Carolina. A benign tumor was removed from her abdomen. However, instead of being relieved from the pain that had plagued her, it became worse. She ran a fever and felt lethargic. One afternoon the surgeon walked into her room, sat on the edge of her bed, and said:  “I am a good doctor, and I did a good job with this procedure. You should be home by now, but instead, if anything, you seem sicker than you were when I admitted you. We’ve run all the tests. You have no infection, no post-surgical complications. Here’s what I think. I removed everything that I can surgically remove to make you well. But I think there’s something else inside that only you can take out. And until you do, you will never be well.” He then turned and walked out of her room. “Michael,” she said, “he had no idea what the problem was, but I did.”

Years before her husband had abandoned her for a young co-worker. She had lived since that time consumed with hatred for him and the other woman. Truly, what they did was indefensible. But what she felt about it damaged her, not them. So when the surgeon left her room, she sat in a chair and wrote a letter to her former husband and his new wife. In it she said:  “I forgive you for what you did. And I wish you every happiness in the future.”  Interpret this however you choose. But the next day her fever broke. The following day she went home. One week later she was back at work.

Find someone to forgive. If you insist on bearing the weight of bitterness against anyone else for any reason whatsoever, in the end it may not hurt them, but it can destroy you. Do you want to be happy? Practice forgiveness.

Second, FIND SOMEONE TO LOVE.

In our morning lesson, Jesus said:  “I have said this that my joy may be in you, and your joy may be complete -- that you should love one another, even as I have loved you.”

Love is the central theme of the ministry of Christ and the one, single, indispensable thing if you would be happy. And by love I mean more than a feeling. My friend Ken Peacock, Chancellor at Appalachian State University, says it so well:  “Love is not a noun; it is a verb. It is not something we feel; it is something we do about what we feel.”

Back in the early 1970s when the late Leo Buscaglia taught in the College of Education at the University of Southern California, he gave his class an assignment to write an essay or a poem on “The Nature of Love.” The students read their assignments in class. He said one young woman stood quietly and quoted this piece of free verse she had composed:

I remember when you got your first car and took me for a ride. The carpet was white, and I spilled a strawberry milkshake on it. I thought you would say I could never ride in your car again, but you didn’t.

I remember when I invited you to my sorority’s dance and forgot to tell you it was a formal. You showed up in a sweater and jeans, and all the other guys wore tuxedos. I thought you would say that was our last dance together, but you didn’t.

I remember when you asked me to stay on campus when you received bad news. You were lonely and sad and needed me there. But, my high school girlfriends had invited me to a get-together back home, and I wanted to go. So, I left you and went to be with them. I thought you would tell me I couldn’t be counted on, that we were through, but you didn’t.

I remember when I flirted with your friends to make you jealous. It worked, too. I thought you would tell me you didn’t want me any more, but you didn’t.

I finally decided that you make my life complete, that there is no one else I want to be with, that you are my every dream come true, and that I want to love you and be with you all my life. I meant to tell you all those things when you came home from Viet Nam, but you didn’t.

Love is a verb. It is not something we feel. It is something we do about what we feel. So if you feel it, do not wait too late to express it!

“These things I have said that my joy may be in you, and your joy may be complete …,” and this is how it happens:  “Love one another, even as I have loved you.” It is an indisputable and indispensable prescription for happiness.

Finally, this:  FIND SOMETHING TO DO.

Find something to do that is bigger than you … some way to invest yourself in life that makes the world a different and better place.

A friend of mine from years ago became so depressed that he could not get out of bed in the morning. He literally could not force himself to get up. Most would find that odd, since he was the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. He told me, “I am sick of walking down the hall of my business and seeing fear in the eyes of everyone I meet. They are afraid that if they don’t meet quota, I will snap my finger, and they’ll be gone.” By God’s grace alone, I happened to offer some reasonable advice. I said: “Charlie, why don’t you spend some time giving yourself away to people who can’t give you anything in return?”

Soon Charlie was volunteering at a local rehab hospital. He helped people with their baths. He fed them. He rolled them onto the lawn and sat with them. He read their mail to them. One day, Charlie submitted his resignation to the Fortune 500 company. His wife was beside herself and suggested that since I had gotten him into that mess, I should talk him out of resigning. She was not a happy woman. She said, “I want my husband back, and you better find him for me!” But Charlie was the sort of person who, when his mind was made up, was not likely to be deterred. He said, “Michael, the people at the rehab hospital smile when they see me coming. I like the smiles. It’s a lot better than seeing fear in someone’s eyes. So I’m going to work there.” And he did.

On my final Sunday as their minister, Mr. and Mrs. Charlie came out the back door to shake my hand. She said, “I never got my husband back … but the truth is, I like this one better.” She winked and walked away. Then Charlie took my hand in his, smiled his big smile, and said:  “Preacher, I never have any trouble getting out of bed any more.”

Charlie found life by giving it away. Isn’t that what Jesus said would happen? “Whoever would save his life shall lose it. But whoever gives his life away for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall find it!”

Find life -- find happiness -- by giving yourself away for some group or some need or some cause that’s bigger than you are. Do something for someone who cannot repay you for the favor, and in so doing you will be repaid a hundred times over!  Champion a cause. Throw your passion behind an issue. Invest yourself in making the world better for people. Help those who cannot help themselves. And you will find joy that the world cannot take away.

In one of Andrew Greeley’s novels, an earthy, flawed priest looks in the mirror each night and says:  “You may not be perfect. But the world is a better place today because you were in it!” You don’t have to be perfect to be a disciple. But you do have to make a difference in the world to be happy.

“These things I have said that my joy may be in you, and your joy may be complete,” said Jesus. He wants for us what we want for our children, our loved ones, and ourselves. He desires that we find soteria -- wholeness. He wants us to be happy. And He even writes us three prescriptions to find it. Whatever else you have in life, without these three things you can never be happy. Whatever else you lack, if you do these three things, you will find joy.

Find someone to forgive.
Fine someone to love.
Find something to do.

Forgiveness. Love. Service.

Make those the cornerstones of your life, and His joy will be in you, and your joy will be complete.