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 Matthew 22:34-40
Over the course of a year ministers will address many aspects of the human experience--big topics like faith and prayer, loss, forgiveness, joy, and hope. But no topic is more important or has a greater impact than something which is largely ignored or taken for granted. This great human subject is embodied in a simple act of kindness. Kindness matters.
The other day I was the only customer in a store where two young salesclerks were in conversation with each other. One of them was very angry and upset because of a rude customer who had just preceded me. She went on and on about the unpleasant encounter, and finally said, "I am not paid to be kind to a rude customer."
The preacher in me immediately wanted to preach. I wanted to say, "You know, we have to be careful that we don't allow others' negativity to influence our moods and control our lives. When we do that we empower them. The best thing we can do to somebody who is rude is to show kindness."
As she was checking me out I thought about what I would say without being the preacher. As I was leaving I said to her, "I hope every customer for the rest of the day is kind." She broke out into a big smile. I hope I left her feeling better about herself.
Those of us who ride the New York subway system know it can be a real challenge. It used to be even more difficult because of the subway conductors on the public-address system. They could be rude, indifferent, and even crude. During the rush hour when they would try to jam more riders into a car, they might angrily shout at you. But about ten years ago things began to change. I was on a subway and a female conductor was announcing the stations. As we arrived at each station, I experienced something I had not experienced on a subway before--a kind voice on the PA system. In between "Next stop 42nd Street," or "Next stop 34th Street," she would say, "Watch your step as you get off. Have a nice day." I was overwhelmed. The atmosphere in that train was completely different.
The conductor was in the same car as I was, so as I got off the train I went over to her and said, "Thank you, thank you for your kind manner." She turned to me, delighted, and responded, "Why, thank you, sir."
I used this story in a sermon shortly afterwards, and the next day I had a telephone call from a psychologist. "I heard you talking about the conductors on the subway on WOR Radio last night. It's working, it's working!
"I work for the Transit Authority," he explained, "training their employees how to speak to the public. I am teaching them to be kind." He did a good job. When you ride the subway today, you don't hear curt, rude voices from the conductors. You hear a friendly voice. Kindness matters. It makes an enormous difference.
In the sixth chapter of the gospel of St. Luke, the 35th verse, Jesus talks about God's kindness. "God is kind to the ungrateful and to the wicked." We usually do the opposite. We are not nice to the ungrateful, and we are certainly not kind to the wicked. Yet think of those times when you yourself were unkind or did something wrong, and how you might have wished that God was forgiving, and kind, and gentle to you.
Please know that God is kind to you. Someone has once said that "Jesus is God spelled out in language we can understand." I love that description of Jesus. He embodied the loving kindness of God. I am sure that when He visited a town or village, when He had been in a crowd of people, people would talk about Him afterwards, remarking on His gentle and sympathetic manner.
In the Sermon on the Mount, when Jesus taught, "Love your enemies. Pray for those who despitefully use you," He was saying, "Be kind." Kindness is always the better way of relating to others. The Golden Rule is another way of saying, "Be kind to one another as you want them to be kind unto you."
The apostle Paul, in the magnificent essay on love which we know as I Corinthians 13, reminds us, "Love is patient and kind." If you don't know the 13th chapter of I Corinthians, I commend it to you. Take your Bible and read what Paul has to say about love. You will know what kindness is. Kindness really is the leading edge of love.
We can advance kindness in the world by becoming ministers of love. How do we do that? I am going to suggest an order of priority that might seem strange, but it is biblical. I will suggest as a first step that you be kind to yourself. We have been taught to think first--and sometimes only--of others. Whole philosophies have been developed, and many books have been written, which list God first, others second, and ourselves third. I believe we first need to learn to be kind to ourselves. Jesus, in the Great Commandment, said, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, strength, and soul--everything that you have--and love your neighbor as yourself."
Note that Jesus does not say God first, others second, and ourselves last. The conditioning word in the Great Commandment is as. When we really think about it we understand that our ability to love other people is dependent on our ability to love ourselves.
I suggest remembering to be kind to yourself. Too many of us are not kind to ourselves. We can be harsh and judgmental.
It is not always obvious when we are being rough on ourselves. It might even appear that we are being self-centered or selfish when really, deep inside, we are treating ourselves with a real lack of love by not taking care of ourselves.
A good example of this presented itself to me a number of years ago when I was in Portland, Maine, to visit with my younger son, who at that time was a ferryboat captain in Portland Harbor. It was a beautiful spring afternoon. I got into a taxi at the airport. It was a dilapidated old car. The driver was extremely overweight. His belly rubbed up against the steering wheel. I would guess he was about forty years old. He was smoking a cigarette, driving lickety-split along the highway into town. At the side of the road I saw some billboards which said, "Redmond for Governor." Redmond was Dave Redmond, a high school classmate of mine. I asked the driver, "Do you think Redmond is going to win?"
Instead of responding to my question, he began to complain bitterly about the current Governor of Maine. "Do you know what he's trying to make us do? He's trying to make us wear seatbelts. If I don't want to wear a seatbelt, I don't have to wear a seatbelt." There he was, driving at a terrific rate of speed, smoking a cigarette in a dilapidated old car. "I've got a motorcycle," he added, "and the Governor is trying to get a law passed saying I have to wear a helmet. If I don't want to wear a helmet, I don't have to wear a helmet. If I want to kill myself, I can kill myself."
I felt sad for him. He did not like himself very much. He was not taking good care of himself. I felt that if he could learn to be benevolent to himself it would do a world of good for him, and also for everybody else around him.
My friend Paula D'Arcy is a gentle, loving, delicate soul, one of the most loving and gentle souls I have ever known. A number of years ago she went to her first silent retreat during Holy Week at a Roman Catholic retreat center near Chicago. At such a retreat one cannot talk at all during that week--at mealtimes, washing the dishes, helping out--no conversations. The only conversation anybody has is either with the priest or the nun once a day.
The first day she was there Paula met with the priest. After their conversation he said, "Paula, you are very hard on yourself. You beat yourself up all the time." Then he pulled a bottle of bubble bath from his bottom drawer. "Every night you are here I want you to spend an hour in the tub with the bubble bath, getting in touch with your childhood." Paula did that, and she later said it was a turning point in how she looked at herself.
As I think about my own life, the illnesses that I have experienced, I go back to tension, inner conflict, and unkindness to myself. I have not taken care of myself at times when I should have. Many of you will remember the night that the actor Michael J. Fox was here. He has been suffering with Parkinson's Disease for many years. I asked him what he thought brought on his illness. He responded with his belief that many years of tension and stress had been the determining factors.
Think of times in your life when you have been ill. Were not tension and stress a very real part of your getting sick? We all do this. Our lives are very busy, and we feel we must meet every need. This past week I was very unkind to myself. I know I have to do something about it. I had four late nights and three very early mornings. By Friday I was exhausted, and I had to start work on my sermon. My mind often has energy my body doesn't have. I have to learn to be kind to myself and say no when I need to say no, and yes when saying yes would be good for me.
So the first step in your ministry of kindness is being kind to yourself. The second level of kindness, because we live in a violent world, is becoming a channel, an agent of kindness to others.
I came across a story recently that was reported in a British newspaper during the Second World War. It is a wonderful example of what I mean by being a true channel of kindness. A German pilot had been shot down and taken prisoner by the British. They had decided to invite him to join the Royal Air Force pilots for dinner, because although he was an enemy pilot he had displayed tremendous courage and daring and they wanted to honor him.
As he came into the dining hall the RAF pilots saluted him and gave him a toast. He began to offer a toast back to the RAF officers when he began to choke up, put his face in his hands and unashamedly began to sob. He said, "Your kindness is overwhelming me. For all of my life I have been taught to dislike the English, and I was told that if I was taken prisoner, I would be tortured and probably killed. You have broken me with your kindness."
Kindness matters. It is the leading edge of love. It is the most fundamental way we can show the world that we care.
John Boyle O'Reilly, a nineteenth-century Irish patriot who spent many years in some of the worst British prisons before escaping to America, had reason to understand the power of kindness.
"What is good?" I asked in a musing mood.
Order, said the law court;
Knowledge, said the school;
Truth, said the wise man;
Pleasure, said the fool;
Love, said the maiden;
Beauty, said the page;
Freedom, said the dreamer;
Home, said the sage;
Fame, said the soldier;
Equity, the seer.
Spoke my heart full sadly:
"The answer is not here."
Then within my bosom
Softly this I heard:
"Each heart holds the secret;
Kindness is the word."
I conclude with a quotation from Abraham Lincoln. Why do we consider him the greatest president? One reason is his gentle and deep kindness. He was a genuinely kind man, and understood the great good that kindness can work in the world.
Die when I may, I want it said of me by those who knew me best that I always plucked a thistle and planted a flower where I thought a flower would grow.
This is something we can all do. Let us pray.
Lord, You are kind to us and You show us Your love by being gentle and sympathetic and understanding. May we learn to accept your loving kindness to us so we can make of our lives a ministry of kindness to others. Amen. |
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