God's Creative Love Letters
I use the inside of the front door of my apartment as a giant vision board. Magnets from my travels, along with magnets bearing Bible verses or encouraging quotes, pin to my door a collection of favorite photos, cards from loved ones, postcards from places I've been, and cutouts from magazines of places I'd like to go. When I walked into my apartment recently, one magnet fell to the floor. It was front and center as I walked in. Impossible to miss. As I put it back on the door, I read the verse on it, Proverbs 3:6, "In all your ways acknowledge the Lord, and He will make your paths straight." That led me to think of another verse, Isaiah 45:2-3, "I will go before you and make the crooked places straight." These verses were exactly what I needed. Various challenges have left me feeling anxious and tired. I clung to those verses for the rest of the day.
When I woke the following day filled with anxiety again about the same challenges, those verses came to mind. What is it about the crooked places that cause me so much stress? It's the uncertainty and the lack of control. When a path is straight, I can see farther and know precisely what lies ahead, whereas a crooked place doesn't allow that, so I don't know if I'm on the right path or making the right decisions. I then sensed a gentle inner voice asking, how about trusting the One who can not only see around this crooked place but the entire road from now to eternity? I laughed out loud. It wasn't my first time hearing this, but I tend to forget—no wonder I'm so tired and anxious. I keep trying to do a job that's not mine, but our patient, loving God keeps reminding me to trust Him.
Feeling better, I got out of bed, but when I looked at the time, the anxiety flooded back. I was over an hour behind schedule because I had just been lying there thinking and talking to the Holy Spirit. Thankfully, before I could fully step onto that one-way train to overwhelm, I sensed another quiet whisper asking whose schedule are you on? What if you spent the past hour doing precisely what you should be doing? And even if you are behind the eight ball, who says that's a bad place? Maybe the eight ball is there to shield and protect you. Isn't it your perspective that's making you anxious?
Sister Carol once told me, "Patricia, you are exactly where you should be," her words flashed like a neon sign in my mind. May I remember that today and every day. May I also remember it is Almighty God's job to be omniscient and omnipotent and Patricia's job to trust that God knows how to do His job?
As I walked into the kitchen, I saw a piece of paper I had put on the refrigerator long ago and hadn't paid much attention to. I started to read it, and once again, God showed me that He knows exactly where I am and when to send me a love letter to remind me of that. May you remember that as you read the words I read that morning.
"My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am doing so. But I believe the desire for you does, in fact, please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know if I do this, you will lead me through the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore, I will always trust you, though I may seem lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are with me, and you will never leave me to face my peril alone." Thomas Merton