When the Road Leads into the Wilderness

“The Wilderness holds answers to more questions than we have yet learned to ask.” Nancy Newhall

If you live long enough, your life will end up in a wilderness from time to time. What has your most recent wilderness looked like?

Well here I go....my church collectively read the Bible in a year. While I had read parts of the Bible in church school and a college class on the Old Testament, I had not read the complete Bible. Probably like many Christians, I focused my Bible reading based on the Sunday sermons I grew up with and continued to hear during my adulthood. The "greatest hits" not the deep dive. Nothing that challenged me or made me uncomfortable.

I still have not read the entire Bible, as my experience with the Bible in a year process pushed me to outright quit trying.

So filled with questions, the small groups and church wide events did not provide me with a safe environment to ask the tough questions. I struggled with the glossing over of sections I found difficult. We read, but did not have discussions, it was a sage on the stage presentation each week. I needed to talk through the parts that somehow puzzled me.

At this point, I was mostly live streaming church and there were no options for live streamers, as all of programs were in person. Where were the stories of women? How would I fit in if I lived during this time? Yep, a single women with no kids of a certain age. I would have been an outcast according to what I was reading.

I was an integral part of the church's leadership and I did not feel I fit in anymore. No one else seemed to be struggling with this rather surface level walk through the Bible. My faith was transforming, I was scared about it, and I was incredibly sad that my church did not seem to care or notice.

I needed to go outside of my own church to find my way. I found the Evolving Faith community founded by Sarah Bessey and Rachel Held Evans. I attended an in person retreat with other wanderers in Denver, I was exposed to more diverse speakers on the Bible, and a place to belong. The speakers provided some structure for making sense of doubt that had grown during that time in the wilderness. The retreat and the podcasts, prayers, and writings of these speakers saved my faith and helped me to find new ways to serve. And helped me to foster daily prayer practices and a bit of activism.

Tomorrow, writer Sarah Bessey releases her new book, Field Notes for the Wilderness: Practices for an Evolving Faith, a book I wish I had during the early stages of my most recent faith transforming wilderness experience. A few weeks ago, I received a copy of the book to preview and I was reminded of something I never learned in church, the power of lamentation in dealing with grief and loss.

When I lost my home to a fire over three years ago, yes the way God worked in my life was to "burn it all down." I had to deal with the loss of my home, at a time where the world was shutdown during the pandemic. Oh how I would have benefited from the part of the book that focused on lamentation. This quote really rang true to me from the book:

"Lament interrupts our tendency to move too quickly, skipping over suffering, finding too easy answers that gloss over the complexity and pain."

I needed to lament the losses.

This Spring, I am going to focus on Chapter 7: "Notice Your Own Sacramental Life." I am in a different place in my life now that I picked up my life and moved to different state. As I explore my new place, and I need to focus on the wonder, joy, and awe of Christ's work in the world and in my life. My list of intentions this year are all focused on exploration and this book has already given me some ideas to expand and grow out of this wilderness. Ultimately, this is a book of hope and all of the ways you can use that wilderness time for growth and a deeper faith.

One update, that church that pushed me into the wilderness earlier, supported me through my period of loss and provided programs and prayer groups that built this incredible virtual community that continue beyond the pandemic. This Advent and Lenten Blog was born out of that community and it is fully supported by this church. I found my way back with the new set of eyes from that time in the wilderness and the lessons I learned from the Evolving Faith Community.

Marcie Doll

If you would like to purchase a copy of Sarah Bessey's book, Field Notes for the Wilderness: Practices for an Evolving Faith consider going to Bookshop.org, where you can buy the book by purchasing it at your favorite independent bookstore. Click here to order. http://bit.ly/4bFBflN