When the Road Says Stop!
Sometimes a road is too broken to pursue.
In my early 30's I briefly dated a smart, talented man who had a damaged childhood. We both agreed that dating was not going to work. Instead, he asked me to start a creative business together, sure that it would be a path to success. I believed him, left my full time job, and invested my time and money in that dream.
Our work was excellent, but involved a nightmare of control, emotional abuse and lost savings, leading me to doubt my own self-worth. For two years I tolerated the anger, thinking I could help him heal. I was ashamed to be trapped, and only confided in a couple of friends. They always commiserated and urged me to leave, but I was afraid to freelance alone.
Finally, during one of our print jobs my business partner deemed (as in many times) that it wasn't perfect, and insisted on an entire reprint. I ended up at a Newark press run in the middle of the night, trying to nap on a flatbed table. Exhausted, seriously considering an end to life, I called my friend Laura in tears. This time she did not commiserate. Instead, she said, "Stop!" She refused to accept another upset call from me, couldn't bear hearing me self-destruct. Laura said I'd been trying to climb a mountain with a 200 pound yoke around my neck. "For God's sake, Patrice, just drop that weight and you'll float to the top."
It finally hit me; God’s voice was speaking through my friend. I returned to the city the next day and told my business partner I was done. I wanted nothing from him and no longer needed to speak with him. I remember trembling, with no clue which way to go from there. I only knew I had to find my own path - and on a different mountain. A few days later, there was a card from my friend Laura in my mailbox, bearing the above illustration by Mary Engelbriet. In my life there was indeed no longer an option to continue in pain.
Shortly after I left that situation, God showed me the opportunity to be a freelance copywriter at a famous entertainment company. It was my dream job for decades, with the best and funniest co-workers I ever had. As years went by, my past business partner experienced several breakdowns and called at one point to deeply apologize for his destructive behavior. I forgave him, and wished him well. On my personal path, I also learned to avoid unhealthy relationships, so was able to recognize when the healthy love of my life turned up to walk beside me forever. Fittingly enough, at our wedding our first dance was to "Bless the Broken Road". We all have broken roads behind us, and some still to come. I pray yours are blessed as well.
Patrice Donnell